Walking through the Eye of the Storm

This past Sunday was not only Adoption Day at Vanguard but also the fall Baby Dedication.  For Matt and I, we had it written in our calendars as a day when we would be dedicating a baby.  It would have been Marshall Lucas' baby dedication. 
In God's most perfect timing, we were actually invited to attend and pray with two families that day.  We stood with precious Hosanna Hope and Amiah Eliah Hope as their parents dedicated them to the Lord.  We informed both of their mamas that we could be pretty emotional.  As the wonderfully Godly women that they are, they said "we will pray for you, please come and be with our family, and cry if you need to. " Matt told me several times that I didn't have to go but I was sure that God was asking me to.  So much about this season is God asking me to enter the pain, to feel all of it, and to let Him "turn my mourning into dancing."  I have equated it to walking through the eye of the storm. 
Yet that is where the Lord is meeting me, right in the middle of the storm.  He is transforming me, not just me, but my soul, He is transforming my very soul. 
Let me tell you a few of the ways that He did that this past weekend so you can see how wonderful and faithful He is too!  Did you notice that both girls have the middle name HOPE?  God is asking me to hold on to the HOPE and the promises that He has given me.  During the 9am service there were two families whose verses for their child were the ones from ¹ Samuel about Hannah,

"I asked the Lord to give me this boy, and he has granted my request.  Now I am giving him to the Lord, and he will belong to the Lord his whole life.”

It hit me so hard especially when it was read a second time.  Oh how I prayed for our boys and the Lord answered my prayers and I gave them back to Him. 
Then next verse was from Philippians.  "He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."  I so believe that is what the Lord is doing.  He has begun a great work in me through the loss of Marshall Lucas and John Marshall and He will be faithful to complete it.  And I will be faithful to follow Him even if it means attending baby dedications when my heart is breaking. 
I silently stood with the boys and wept at Amiah's dedication.  Oh the glorious joy that the Lord has for her!  I was moved to tears for her life and all God has in store for her.  I was also heartbroken to be on the outside of the circle praying instead of in the middle being prayed for.  I was praying with Ellen's family for her daughter instead of Ellen praying over our little boy with our family as she has done so many times before.  She looked at me at one point and we both knew and we smiled.  As one heart rejoiced, the other mourned but there were pieces of our heart that were mourning and rejoicing for one another. 
God works all things for His glory.  As I cried, Moses pulled my face right up to his and pressed our faces together.  The moment that Moses was born, they laid him on my chest and he pressed his face up to mine and stopped crying.  Now almost two years later, he pressed our faces together and held my crying face in his hands.  If that is not the Lord meeting me in the eye of the storm, I don't know what is.  I wait for the day that two more little boys will press my face up to theirs as I rejoice in heaven with them.  But for now, I am so thankful for the glimpses of them that the Lord is giving me here on earth.