Hallmark moments dashed

The holidays are officially upon us.  If you know me, you know that everything about the holidays in my mind is a Hallmark moment.  I had planned for this past weekend to be the first of several perfect weekends during the holidays.  You know the ones...Thanksgiving with all your family drinking wine, laughing, staying up late playing poker and watching holiday movies, watching the first Christmas lights go up on the houses around us, seeing old friends who have come into town, and getting ready to have our first magical holiday in our new little town. (pretty much all you need is Katherine Heigl and Gerald Butler and a 1800s cabin and you have yourself the perfect Christmas movie right there girls) Yet as is the theme of my life this year, nothing went as planned.  Matt ended up with the flu and all my grand ideas of family moments changed when I was flying solo with the boys to all the family events. 
On Sunday, the last day of this wonderful weekend, I stood in service looking at the beautiful Christmas lights on the trees and I just began to cry.  This year has been nothing that I planned.  I was supposed to be 9 months pregnant, John Marshall was going to be here 5 days before Christmas.  He was what I thought was going to make it all better.  The loss of Marshall Lucas would be okay because a baby would come right before Christmas and make it all better.  And now at Christmas time, I have a thyroid disease I didn't know about last year, I have lived through PTSD, we are living with Mama for another six months, I am 20lbs lighter which should feel so awesome yet feels so empty, John Marshall is with Jesus and I can no longer have babies.
For years I had the hardest time with Christmas lights because the last time I saw Jack's biological father was at Christmas.  That all changed when Matt came into our lives at Christmas time.  It has since been a magical holiday for our family with so many memories because of that first Christmas we spent together.  I thought this year would be the best one yet and now again I stood crying at Christmas lights.  I knelt at the altar and I wept with my husband.  I sat in my chair and wept on Mary.  It felt so good to let it all out, to give the Lord those hopes and dreams and beg Him to heal my heart.  To stand next to the man who I said had led me through brokenness on our wedding day and who continues to do so. 
I am so thankful for how I know Jesus this year.  Yet I am so broken and sad over how that came to be.  However, I will not let the enemy take this season from me.  I will go on thankful for the baby who did come on Christmas, the one who can actually make it all better.

^" And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." 

Romans 8:28

Santa at "The North Pole"

Every year, our family drives up to Bass Pro to see Santa.  Our boys actually call Bass Pro the North Pole.  Someone recently asked me why we did that which made me think about the history of that tradition. 
When Jack was one, my sister and I went to Bass Pro to get our Daddy a Christmas present.  Santa was there so I just went ahead and let Jack see him there and had his picture taken.  The next year, Matt and I were dating and I figured it would be a fun trip for all of us and again, I needed a present for my Daddy so we headed up to Denver.  After that, it just became tradition!  So every year on the Saturday after Thanksgiving, we head over to Starbucks and get a couple holiday coffees, drive up to Denver, visit Santa, get our ornaments for the year, buy Pops' a Christmas gift, and go to Chick-fil-a on our way home!

2012 Ornaments:Jack got a hunting guy, Boss got a fishing boat, and Mo picked our a golden retriever with a present in it's mouth (his Shelby dog)

The Fish Tank

Waiting for Santa...

 So Moses is not a huge Santa fan.  This is the second year that he has screamed his head off.  Then about 10 minutes later we saw Santa in the store and he tried to give Moses a high-five and Moses screamed in his face!

 These two on the other hand are big fans!

 Mama consoling the poor, little traumatized one.

 Now all these guys need is a 4-wheeler!

 Picking out their future boats

Yesterday I was talking about how excited I was that Bass Pro would be here next year and we wouldn't have to drive so far.  Jack informed me that wasn't the real "North Pole" and we would still have to drive up to Denver.  I guess some traditions are worth keeping!

Thanksgiving 2012 in Pictures

Making pies with my little helper in jammies with George Strait on the iPod and the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade on TV! 

2 apple and 2 pumpkin

Thanksgiving at Andma's House

The Vincent boys and a McKenzie boy

Right as Thanksgiving dinner began, Andma asked if the boys knew about putting black olives on their fingers to eat (something that all of us cousins did growing up)...we looked over and saw these two.  Some things you just don't have to teach!  And Moses chose to sit mostly on top of the table for his meal.

Mama, me, Andma, and Mary

Life Group 65 Thanksgiving

Me and Hope-we just found out we have the same birthday, 30 years apart!

You know me, it's not a holiday without a good ole fashioned treasure hunt!

                      We even got Josh, Chiceaux, and Ken involved.  They were all clues too!

The Kid Table (and I wish I had a picture of the adult one, Alli did such a beautiful job!)

Jackson and Hope playing with full bellies

All good holidays should end in wrestling matches right?

And falling asleep at friends' houses?

And Chiceaux's bread pudding, all holidays should end with lots of that!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Bible Reading with Daddy

Dressing Up with the Girls

Since I do not have any girls, my sis-in-law Suzie often lends me hers.  I went through my jewelry last week and took them some things to play with.  Don't they look beautiful?!  Mary's outfit is my absolute favorite!

5 Years

5 Year Dating Anniversary 

5 Years later, he drives a pick-up truck, wears a Carhartt, and just bought cowboy boots!  He's so hot!

We went out last night for some Saltgrass and Starbucks.  Then he drove me up to the World Prayer Center.  5 years ago to the date and the hour last night, Matt walked around the World Prayer Center for 2 hours asking God if he was supposed to be with me.  It was there that God gave him a vision of our future family and told him that part of his calling in life was to be a leader to Jack and I.  The next night, Matty V text me and came over to my house out in the middle of nowhere in Black Forest. (And if you know the back story, you know that I was totally head over heels for that boy, I about died when he sent me a text message and wanted to come over to my house!)  We sat for hours drinking Blue Moon and telling each other our life story.  And from that night on, we knew...

Walking through the Eye of the Storm

This past Sunday was not only Adoption Day at Vanguard but also the fall Baby Dedication.  For Matt and I, we had it written in our calendars as a day when we would be dedicating a baby.  It would have been Marshall Lucas' baby dedication. 
In God's most perfect timing, we were actually invited to attend and pray with two families that day.  We stood with precious Hosanna Hope and Amiah Eliah Hope as their parents dedicated them to the Lord.  We informed both of their mamas that we could be pretty emotional.  As the wonderfully Godly women that they are, they said "we will pray for you, please come and be with our family, and cry if you need to. " Matt told me several times that I didn't have to go but I was sure that God was asking me to.  So much about this season is God asking me to enter the pain, to feel all of it, and to let Him "turn my mourning into dancing."  I have equated it to walking through the eye of the storm. 
Yet that is where the Lord is meeting me, right in the middle of the storm.  He is transforming me, not just me, but my soul, He is transforming my very soul. 
Let me tell you a few of the ways that He did that this past weekend so you can see how wonderful and faithful He is too!  Did you notice that both girls have the middle name HOPE?  God is asking me to hold on to the HOPE and the promises that He has given me.  During the 9am service there were two families whose verses for their child were the ones from ¹ Samuel about Hannah,

"I asked the Lord to give me this boy, and he has granted my request.  Now I am giving him to the Lord, and he will belong to the Lord his whole life.”

It hit me so hard especially when it was read a second time.  Oh how I prayed for our boys and the Lord answered my prayers and I gave them back to Him. 
Then next verse was from Philippians.  "He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."  I so believe that is what the Lord is doing.  He has begun a great work in me through the loss of Marshall Lucas and John Marshall and He will be faithful to complete it.  And I will be faithful to follow Him even if it means attending baby dedications when my heart is breaking. 
I silently stood with the boys and wept at Amiah's dedication.  Oh the glorious joy that the Lord has for her!  I was moved to tears for her life and all God has in store for her.  I was also heartbroken to be on the outside of the circle praying instead of in the middle being prayed for.  I was praying with Ellen's family for her daughter instead of Ellen praying over our little boy with our family as she has done so many times before.  She looked at me at one point and we both knew and we smiled.  As one heart rejoiced, the other mourned but there were pieces of our heart that were mourning and rejoicing for one another. 
God works all things for His glory.  As I cried, Moses pulled my face right up to his and pressed our faces together.  The moment that Moses was born, they laid him on my chest and he pressed his face up to mine and stopped crying.  Now almost two years later, he pressed our faces together and held my crying face in his hands.  If that is not the Lord meeting me in the eye of the storm, I don't know what is.  I wait for the day that two more little boys will press my face up to theirs as I rejoice in heaven with them.  But for now, I am so thankful for the glimpses of them that the Lord is giving me here on earth.

Adoption Day and an Award...

Sunday was National Adoption Day.  Our church had several tables set out to inform our body about adoption and the needs of those adopting and providing foster care.  It was interesting because Matt and I have been attending adoption and foster care classes the past two Saturdays.  So we were excited when the church asked our Life Group to participate in Adoption Day and have a table to let people know what we are doing to serve the community!  Here is our pretty table. 

 And for your reading pleasure, here is our beautiful flyer that we handed out!

And a testimony from a family that we are currently serving...

First, we just want to say “thank you”. As we have begun our journey towards adopting 2 boys from Africa we ourselves were “adopted” by Life Group 65.  You have been willing to cover us with your heartfelt prayers, babysit during our training classes and bless our family by being supportive and always asking how things are going. When we decided to have a garage sale on a cold October morning you all showed up with trucks and donated multiple items to help us raise funds. Chiceaux and Joy especially have humbled us with their generosity.

Adoption from a foreign country can be a lonely journey. While the majority of people are supportive and simply say “good for you” Life Group 65 took that so much further and said “How can we help?”

Sean & Kathy Buchanan

And here's the best part...Vanguard hosted the Multiply Conference on Friday and Saturday of this past week.  Ministries from within the community were given the opportunity to submit applications for a contest to win money to support their ministries.  Ken was adamant that we apply and submitted an one page description of our LG Mission.   And guess what?  We won!  We were given a cash, money prize to help us in our endeavor to support ORPHANS in our community!  God is SO good!

She's Back!