Matt is recovering from surgery right now...I am waiting for him. I have already finished my Beth Moore, my raspberry mocha, and sending out updates....everything to keep my mind off of the fact he is in an operating room where I can't see him or talk to him. So I am going to give writing a shot. It's a weird thing, even when you know the surgery is pretty safe...it's that feeling that the person who leads you, takes care of you, and holds you every night as you fall asleep is in the hands of someone else. I know that he is in the hands of God but he's not in my hands and he isn't here with me so it's a scary feeling.
Matt has had back pain for 6 years. That's longer than I have known him. As long as I have known the man, he has had this horrible pain. I remember when we were dating he used to get through a day of work, drive half an hour to see me, and then lie on the hard floor trying to get the pain to go away so that we could spend time together. The last year it has intensified into nerve pain so not even that can temporarily take the pain away. Throughout these past years, he has maintained his regular drumming schedule because as he says, "Paul didn't stop ministering just because he had a thorn in his flesh and I won't either." He has not played with his boys, slept in a bed, played the drums, or sat at his desk in 6 years without pain. When the doctor came out, he actually said the disk was bigger and the pain was worse than they had thought. But today that thorn leaves.
The past month as been a whirlwind for us. Just trying to soak up as much family time as possible. We also had a family decision that we thought was going to happen for us change. And as I was crying about how my dreams were crushed my husband brought home a pint of blue bell, a rose, and a card with a description of how God was changing our dreams and that was okay. As my five year old broke down and had the worst fit of his life yesterday, Matt called him from work and calmed in down in 30 seconds. When Boston fell on the floor and started crying, Matt scooped him up and made it all better. When he walked in from work yesterday, Moses smiled and followed his voice until he greeted him. Whenever I think about the thought of doing this crazy life without Matty, I always think (please excuse the Jerry Maguire cliche quote, it's what I always hear in my head), "It just doesn't work without him." And it wouldn't...the Lord speaks through him and leads him like no other person I know. That's what makes it so easy to follow him.
Thank you Jesus for the gift of my husband and for the gift of recovery that you are giving him today.
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